What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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