Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
