I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
