i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
