i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
