if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
