Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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