i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
