My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
