Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
zippers are such a cool invention
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
