I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
