OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
