Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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