GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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