Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
