the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
