So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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