Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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