i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
high people should be assigned attendants
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
