I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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