How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
