I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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