as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
