i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
