i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
