I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
