i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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