im about as happy as oj after his trial
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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