somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
