3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I looked at my own cervix.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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