Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
