god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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