my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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