I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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