Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
