New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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