I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
