From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
