Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
