Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
being pregnant is like rehab
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
