so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
