Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
