I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
