Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
