exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We got so high we made milksteak
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I need a beard to bite.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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