Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
