bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she pinky promised me she was 18
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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