Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
