FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I fill condoms, not promises.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
