yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My ass is underappreciated
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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