She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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